I’ve been fortunate also in this regard. My mother (now 96) was determined that her divorce from my father would never mean a family breakdown. So every family birthday, every Christmas, every grandparents day at school my mother, father & stepmother would attend so my kids also grew up with a “bonus” grandparent - my stepmother, who also did a fabulous job of bringing the family together. We were so lucky to have these two pragmatic & caring women who navigated a path to benefit my generation & the next. However I too realise this is not always possible.
That's wonderful! She sounds like she lived well, and may have also been fortunate. I was glad to read the "disclaimer" at the bottom. Yes not everyone gets to stay connected with their relatives in this way. I don't know what will be said about me. I guess some would say that I said things as I saw them, without sugarcoating, ..some might say I was rude..but they wouldn't be at my funeral I suppose. I would hope that someone would say that I could make something useful and interesting from seemingly nothing, ..that would mean they saw me. And that's all I want.
I’ve just returned from my father’s Celebration of Life in Nashville. The week before we had a traditional Catholic funeral in his hometown in Kansas. After my parents divorce my father left and started his life over in Nashville. My brother and I had a long goodbye with our father as he was diagnosed with Lewy Body Disease that took his mind and his body for seven years. His death was a relief as he was suffering but also full of sorrow, grief, and deep longing for all the losses along the way. Watching our mother cry over his death after being divorced from him for 34 years shocked us but also consoled us. Seeing all the family members from all sides gather in Kansas to say goodbye and remember him was like being wrapped in a weighted blanket. It grounded my brother and I. He was remembered as our father, our mothers husband , beloved brother, cousin, brother-in- law and uncle. In Nashville a world that my brother and I felt estranged from he was remembered as the husband of his new wife of 23 years, step father, friend , colleague, patient, golf buddy. His two worlds collided upon his death. I felt sad that it took his death for those two worlds to come together. I listened to stories of our father that I had never heard before. His caregivers loved his spirit and his ability to sing, smile and be filled with joy at his most vulnerable. He left his world in Nashville better for knowing him. He had friends from all walks of life. I am better for listening and leaning in even though it was incredibly painful to not feel part of the second part of his life. I’ve always known that two things can exist at the same time ,this time it has entered into my bones and I know for sure this is true. I have missed my Dad for a long time this missing now feels different. It feels beautiful, complex, multi-faceted, and real. Im grateful for all of it.
I’ve been fortunate also in this regard. My mother (now 96) was determined that her divorce from my father would never mean a family breakdown. So every family birthday, every Christmas, every grandparents day at school my mother, father & stepmother would attend so my kids also grew up with a “bonus” grandparent - my stepmother, who also did a fabulous job of bringing the family together. We were so lucky to have these two pragmatic & caring women who navigated a path to benefit my generation & the next. However I too realise this is not always possible.
That's wonderful! She sounds like she lived well, and may have also been fortunate. I was glad to read the "disclaimer" at the bottom. Yes not everyone gets to stay connected with their relatives in this way. I don't know what will be said about me. I guess some would say that I said things as I saw them, without sugarcoating, ..some might say I was rude..but they wouldn't be at my funeral I suppose. I would hope that someone would say that I could make something useful and interesting from seemingly nothing, ..that would mean they saw me. And that's all I want.
I’ve just returned from my father’s Celebration of Life in Nashville. The week before we had a traditional Catholic funeral in his hometown in Kansas. After my parents divorce my father left and started his life over in Nashville. My brother and I had a long goodbye with our father as he was diagnosed with Lewy Body Disease that took his mind and his body for seven years. His death was a relief as he was suffering but also full of sorrow, grief, and deep longing for all the losses along the way. Watching our mother cry over his death after being divorced from him for 34 years shocked us but also consoled us. Seeing all the family members from all sides gather in Kansas to say goodbye and remember him was like being wrapped in a weighted blanket. It grounded my brother and I. He was remembered as our father, our mothers husband , beloved brother, cousin, brother-in- law and uncle. In Nashville a world that my brother and I felt estranged from he was remembered as the husband of his new wife of 23 years, step father, friend , colleague, patient, golf buddy. His two worlds collided upon his death. I felt sad that it took his death for those two worlds to come together. I listened to stories of our father that I had never heard before. His caregivers loved his spirit and his ability to sing, smile and be filled with joy at his most vulnerable. He left his world in Nashville better for knowing him. He had friends from all walks of life. I am better for listening and leaning in even though it was incredibly painful to not feel part of the second part of his life. I’ve always known that two things can exist at the same time ,this time it has entered into my bones and I know for sure this is true. I have missed my Dad for a long time this missing now feels different. It feels beautiful, complex, multi-faceted, and real. Im grateful for all of it.
A very thoughtful Post, and a reminder to us all...kindness should lead the way. Thank you.