Looking for balance in all the wrong places.

But found here in “la dolce vita.” Tho hardly in how you may expect. I explain here.

What if the actual work itself, the stuff that makes you sweat or strain your brain, or better both, is actually part of the good life? What if a deep breath in and out, maybe coupled with chants of positive affirmations, proved to be less sticky for landing the state of mind than one gets when actively participating in things that test your patience, sometimes fatigue you, and gratify you in ways that are complicated and often have a delayed reward?

Back in early 2020, initial conversations I had begun around style were centered on getting rid of the bifurcated wardrobe. The often, yet unrecognized, dilemma that part of your wardrobe is for one moment of your life, work, and the other centered around the play - exercise, lounging. The act of separating the two, both physically and mentally, does something to our psyche, nevermind our wallets. Neither is good, my opinion.

Now, I don’t want to lose here the train of thought that got me frantically writing at 6am this morning. You’ll see how this is all connected. You see, I’m a bit jet lagged having just returned from a month of work/vacation in Europe. The first half of the trip started with shooting a project in southern Italy, a small town called Castellana Grotte, that had been over a year in the making. I wrote about the trip here.

But since I’ve written about the experience, something nagged at me: have I really, really understood and communicated what it was that made this trip stick with me in such a profound way? You see, post shoot I’ve conducted many interviews about our endeavor - and each writer, albeit with the best of intent, has framed the experience through the lens of “la dolce vita”. The “new trend” displacing the old - “the mob wife, quiet luxury!” My reaction to their line of questioning has been visceral….”no, no, no, that’s not what this is about!!!!”

But knowing the “no” and the “not” doesn’t mean you know the “yes” and the “what.”

Rather, it’s an indicator that there is more to be uncovered. In an effort to prove or disprove what had moved me so profoundly on this trip, I searched on Pinterest for images of la dolce vita. I compared them to images we shot, the very ones that some interviewers have likened to the same subject line.

And you know the saying, a pictures worth a thousand words:

I won’t belabor the obvious here - the visuals on the left and the right are entirely different.

I also thought a lot about some of the team memories I have from the trip. Sure, there were many great meals - the simplest bread with cheese is a cause celebre in Italy - and we even had a day beachside in Puglia. But the source of much of my energy came from the photos below. The 5am airport ride, setting up for our event in Milan, putting together tables, going through over 1,000 phots to edit and send to the NY office, stopping to review the Spring 26 samples with our shoe designer from Florence, and more.

I spent weeks with people who thrived on working hard, people who frequently said “why not?, we’ll try,” and importantly, those who found meaning in all the acts they do. Not just the ones that occur on the weekend or evening’s after they’ve clocked out. These Italians we met, they thrived in putting muscle and thought into their work. Each job had an art and energy applied to it, and this was not put on for our benefit. I can assure you of this.

I now know the “what” that made this strip stick with me.

Hope.

You see, I believe people are deeply wrong when they tell you to shut down your work and blank your mind to find: peace? contentment? joy? When they insist that one space belongs to your (boss? Corporation?) and the other to you. And that the happiness comes from bifurcating the two, instead of bringing more of the things you love into the jobs you have. It reminds me a bit of one of the ticket conductors on my daily commute to work. She just refuses to step in line with some of her colleagues. She asks the riders how their kids or dogs are, did they get a promotion, why are they dressed all special today. And often times, the riders ask her: how is your daughter? Did you visit your mother last weekend? No one has told her, or if they have she didn’t listen, that she should not be happy in her job - or career, depending on how she sees it. Stubbornly, she insists on being who she is, regardless that she is on a clock. And I can say that everyone, especially her, has to be better for it.

I also believe a key factor in the “la dolce vita” I experienced was that people can see the fruits of their labor. The carpenter’s work sits proudly in the nearby restaurants and homes of his neighbors, the stone miller’s flour used for the delicious knotted Taralli gracing the locale’s dinner table. This was something beautiful that doesn’t just take a small town to be able to deliver. It takes a small town where businesses are thriving and supporting one another. Streets bereft of Amazon trucks, a beautiful sight to my eyes.

Why the word hope? I dm with people, a lot, who seem to have lost some of it. But I have proof that the good life, 24/7, is achievable with a mindset shift and an understanding of your principles and priorities. This trip has me more dogmatic than ever about holding on to Tibi’s independent status - our CONTROL - even in the full recognition of what it will mean in terms of revenue opportunity. My shitty little graph here tells you the greater the wealth, the less control you have. It’s all about choices. Many may prioritize wealth over control. This non-consulting company approved graph doesn’t show you where your sweetspot should be, it’s telling you where I found mine.

I wish I had realized this sooner, because getting here wasn’t contingent upon logging more experience and wealth to make better decisions. Rather, it was about finally blocking out the voices, many just simply my own, that were telling me what was required in order to feel …….?????!!!! And therein was my dilemma. To feel…what?Successful? That’s the problem with that word - success - if it were expressed numerically, it would not be a prime number. Meaning, a prime number is no longer divisible, you can’t drill deeper. Successful has to be, begs to be, drilled upon….how do you define success? Content? What does content mean? Being able to pay the bills? Well, how many bills? Able to travel with family? Sure, but camping or luxury? Or maybe both? Is it about being able to make decisions, even really bad ones? Working with people who like taking action? As circular as I may be making this out to be, it’s actually not. It’s not if you take the time to write out, and acknowledge for you, what you want in life, what you hope your success will deliver, and what may or may not be stopping you from getting it. And importantly, acknowledging that you may be the one with the foot on the brake or, in my case, the gas overshooting.

I did that work, along side some of our team members a while back. And it’s not easy - every day someone dangles a runway show, new store openings, or an incredibly flashy marketing campaign in front of me that gives me that angst. Confuses me for a minute. Until I recenter.

AND YES, I see, now you see, I have found it. What made this trip stick. La dolce vita means to me a place I will hold in my heart that keeps me centered. If my compass veers off track, I’ll always have Peppino get help me recenter - my version of breathe in, breath out.

….