Hi. With all due respect, what unsettled me reading this was that I kept thinking -- but what if that woman felt amazing, what if she didn't feel off at all? What if the length of her pant felt ironic for her, or reminded her of her grandfather, or I don't know what? It's one thing when people come to you as professionals and tell you they feel off and ask for help, but another to analyze a stranger on a train who you feel is almost there, but not quite. You don't seem like mean girls at all, so please take this with the spirit in which it's meant -- but can't we all just applaud each other and go on our way? Isn't that what personal style is? Solving it for ourselves?
Thanks for this Maureen. I want to share with you my perspective on this. Of course we can all applaud each other, in fact it’s my -and our- mantra here. “You do you” - I’m all about the individual first - and like you said, the pant length could have reminded the woman of many things, or she could just simply like a shorter pant. But, when we think as individuals, we’re filtering it through our own personal style, our own principles, etc. Here’s a way to view this. What if you and I went to a movie together, we may have very different ideas about whether we liked the same movie - you have your view, I would have mine. In this case, what I wouldn’t do is write the movie director and expect her to change her movie or align with my views - that would be ridiculous and incredibly self centered. So just like the woman on the train - she was a starting point for thinking about our own style (or Stella’s as it were) and how we make decisions. There were no mean faces given, and certainly no reaching out to her to “help her” - like you said, she may (likely) not feel she needed help - good for her (and I mean that in the best and truest way). So, we give ourselves permission to observe and filter through our lens and then engage in discourse - with no arrogance that our way is better than hers and certainly no shaming (like a pic of the woman, that would have been terrible and simply nothing we would do). I think that’s why I cringe when I see makeover shows, people accosted and told they can be helped. That was not this spirit or the reality of the situation.
Loved this article Stella … it got me thinking .. I’d taken the view .. no idea why ….that Almost Reckless would be a business / career persons read, so not for me having semi retired from corporate life / climbing the ladder.. Silly I know as so much of what Amy communicates can be seen through the eyes of many different aspects of life. I’ll get my preorder under way… thank you 😊
Thank you for this. I appreciate that feedback to, this is so helpful in making sure I communicate this in a way that reaches the people that I think will be really impacted. Especially since I have realized that as I move through my life, in other words get older, I’m actually feeling emboldened to take bigger risks - with each shortening day I feel the weight that the greater risk is not to take one.
Love this and completely on point for me as currently trying to analyse what is so wrong in what I thought was my dream job 18 months ago (also agonise over hemlines, they can make or break an outfit for sure!)
Exactly. And I think evidenced by the back and forth here, you can see how refreshing it feels to have discourse, argue your case to explain your pov but without the absolute insistence that someone else fully agrees or complies. And then, that’s where the good stuff happens - you realize that the CALM you feel doesn’t come because you are agreed with, it comes because you understand they why behind someone else’s (opinion, action) - and with that you view them as a thinking human with individual thoughts - and I always feel better when I believe that people are thinking. That’s a really good thing.
“Design happens on the edge” - one of my lecturers said this in passing during my design masters and it has never left me. The intersect of materials, edges and space - all so seemingly small but with such consequences!
Hi. With all due respect, what unsettled me reading this was that I kept thinking -- but what if that woman felt amazing, what if she didn't feel off at all? What if the length of her pant felt ironic for her, or reminded her of her grandfather, or I don't know what? It's one thing when people come to you as professionals and tell you they feel off and ask for help, but another to analyze a stranger on a train who you feel is almost there, but not quite. You don't seem like mean girls at all, so please take this with the spirit in which it's meant -- but can't we all just applaud each other and go on our way? Isn't that what personal style is? Solving it for ourselves?
Thanks for this Maureen. I want to share with you my perspective on this. Of course we can all applaud each other, in fact it’s my -and our- mantra here. “You do you” - I’m all about the individual first - and like you said, the pant length could have reminded the woman of many things, or she could just simply like a shorter pant. But, when we think as individuals, we’re filtering it through our own personal style, our own principles, etc. Here’s a way to view this. What if you and I went to a movie together, we may have very different ideas about whether we liked the same movie - you have your view, I would have mine. In this case, what I wouldn’t do is write the movie director and expect her to change her movie or align with my views - that would be ridiculous and incredibly self centered. So just like the woman on the train - she was a starting point for thinking about our own style (or Stella’s as it were) and how we make decisions. There were no mean faces given, and certainly no reaching out to her to “help her” - like you said, she may (likely) not feel she needed help - good for her (and I mean that in the best and truest way). So, we give ourselves permission to observe and filter through our lens and then engage in discourse - with no arrogance that our way is better than hers and certainly no shaming (like a pic of the woman, that would have been terrible and simply nothing we would do). I think that’s why I cringe when I see makeover shows, people accosted and told they can be helped. That was not this spirit or the reality of the situation.
Thanks for the thoughtful reply Amy.
Loved this article Stella … it got me thinking .. I’d taken the view .. no idea why ….that Almost Reckless would be a business / career persons read, so not for me having semi retired from corporate life / climbing the ladder.. Silly I know as so much of what Amy communicates can be seen through the eyes of many different aspects of life. I’ll get my preorder under way… thank you 😊
Thank you for this. I appreciate that feedback to, this is so helpful in making sure I communicate this in a way that reaches the people that I think will be really impacted. Especially since I have realized that as I move through my life, in other words get older, I’m actually feeling emboldened to take bigger risks - with each shortening day I feel the weight that the greater risk is not to take one.
Love this and completely on point for me as currently trying to analyse what is so wrong in what I thought was my dream job 18 months ago (also agonise over hemlines, they can make or break an outfit for sure!)
I really love this type of content - constructive help from people who know more than I. Up to me to agree or disagree.
Exactly. And I think evidenced by the back and forth here, you can see how refreshing it feels to have discourse, argue your case to explain your pov but without the absolute insistence that someone else fully agrees or complies. And then, that’s where the good stuff happens - you realize that the CALM you feel doesn’t come because you are agreed with, it comes because you understand they why behind someone else’s (opinion, action) - and with that you view them as a thinking human with individual thoughts - and I always feel better when I believe that people are thinking. That’s a really good thing.
Love this take and can’t wait to read your book!
“Design happens on the edge” - one of my lecturers said this in passing during my design masters and it has never left me. The intersect of materials, edges and space - all so seemingly small but with such consequences!